Why Your Brain Wants to Give Up (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)

We’ve all been there. You set a goal, you work hard, but the numbers don’t match your hope. Suddenly, a wave of "upsetness" hits you. You feel heavy, frustrated, and the habit of a lifetime kicks in: the urge to give up.

For years, I wondered why I felt this so deeply. Was it a lack of discipline? Was it weakness?

As I dived into neuroscience and my own life story, I realized the answer isn't in our "willpower"—it’s in our Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC).

The Pain of the "Unmatched Expectation"

Most of the time, we aren't upset because of what happened; we are upset because reality failed to match our expectation. Neuroscience tells us that the brain doesn't distinguish much between a physical cut and an emotional disappointment.

Both are processed in the ACC. When your expectation isn't met, your brain feels like it has a physical bruise.

I call this the Pain Equation:

Pain = Expectation - Reality

The "Cat Theory" of Expectation

Where do these expectations come from? Often, from a single moment of pleasure.

I once gave a cat some milk just to see if I could gain its trust. The next day, she was back. Then the day after. She didn't "need" the milk to survive, but because she experienced that pleasure once, she developed a Memory Craving.

We do the same. We get 100 marks once. We get a "Viral" video once. Our brain releases a massive hit of dopamine, and we become addicted to reliving that experience. When it doesn't happen again immediately, the brain senses a threat to its pleasure supply.

The Three-Goal Trap

Animals are simple. They expect three things: Food, Security, and Reproduction. When they have these, they are satisfied. They rest.

But as humans, we’ve taken these for granted. We have food on the table and a roof over our heads, yet we are miserable. Why? Because we’ve created an endless list of "New Necessities"—likes, views, ranks, and perfect results. We’ve traded biological peace for psychological pressure.

The Root of Impatience

I realized my own struggle with Impatience—the inability to wait—might go back as far as the womb. My mother faced severe malnutrition during her pregnancy. When a brain develops in "scarcity," it learns that "wanting" is a crisis. It feels like if success doesn't come now, it might never come.

This is why, when things slow down, my brain’s survival mechanism screams: "GIVE UP. STOP THE PAIN."

Shifting from "Result-Worth" to "Process-Integrity"

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is this: Your results are not your worth.

If you only value yourself when you succeed, you are at the mercy of the Facebook algorithm, the examiner's mood, or the market's whims. That is an unstable way to live.

Instead, I am learning to find my worth in the Integrity of the Process. * Did I show up today?

• Did I stick to the blueprint?

• Did I practice deep focus?

If the answer is yes, I have already won. The "milk" will come when it comes, but the man standing at the door is already whole.